See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. Think no evil?

As loyal readers of my blog, you’ll be well aware that one of the most important things I’ve learnt in my pursuit of feeling good is how deeply the mind and body are connected. As much as I didn’t believe this in the past, our thoughts have a powerful influence on our health. Cultivating stillness in my mind is a work in progress, but the growth I’ve experienced so far has been profound. Recently, the same event repeated itself, and my response showed me just how much I’ve changed, and how, in turn, my experience of life has transformed. My growth in this area is something I am very proud of and I want to share some of my journey with you.

I was late to the mindfulness party but my first spiritual book was “The Untethered Soul” which I heard about through an Oprah Super Soul podcast episode (Oprah, the classic segue into spirituality). Michael A. Singer telling me, “You are not your thoughts, you are the observer of them” was an earth-shattering realisation. Admittedly, I was 26 so I am unsure what took me so long to learn this, but it marked the start of my belated journey to stillness.

After this, I dabbled in reading different spirituality books and had various stints with meditation but never established a consistent practice, I always lived with a bit of agitation in my mind and was a somewhat reactive person. I remember a friend in high school commenting once, “You have a new person you are annoyed with each week”. She wasn’t wrong, that was how I lived my life, always easily annoyed and with a tendency to overthink things. Thankfully, my journey recovering from chronic illness introduced me to the Dynamic Neural Retraining System (DNRS), a neuroplasticity-based program for nervous system regulation. This became the catalyst for a rewarding journey into a quieter mind.

Just before commencing DNRS, I experienced a major change in my personal life and realised I couldn’t regulate myself. My mind wouldn’t shut up about what was going on. Not only did I have to rant and rave to anybody who would listen, but I would keep myself up at night, pulsing with frustration in a continual, repetitive loop. This was a turning point for me, as I realised how much my thoughts impacted my body and how out of balance my nervous system had become.

A key part of the DNRS program is learning to become the curious observer and being vigilant with your thought patterns. I realised my thoughts consistently revolved around illness and that I had a tendency for rumination and constant looping. It was interesting to learn that many others in DNRS recovering from severe chronic illnesses had similar repetitive patterns of thinking. Because the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and imagined, repeating negative thought patterns constantly is like re-living them. Each time I got stuck ruminating, I was producing more stress chemistry that was keeping my body in a fight/flight state and this wasn’t conducive to a healthy mind, body and spirit. Breaking this habit of thinking was extremely difficult!

When I started this work, I armed myself with every tool and trick I could find. I set alarms on my phone reminding myself to stay present. I’d distract myself by running through all the lyrics to a long song (Taylor Swift’s 10-minute one, obviously) or listing things I was grateful for from A to Z. I obsessively repeated Gabrielle Bernstein’s mantra: ‘I forgive this thought and choose another.’ I listened to Joe Dispenza talk about setting aside two hours for meditation as he needed time to quiet the chatter, and realised even the experts had to work at it. I learnt to redirect with grace and celebrate each time I pulled myself out of a looping thought, instead of berating myself. It was tough and it took real commitment. If thoughts are clouds, my mind hadn’t seen blue skies in a long time.

As soon as I started working on quieting my mind, something interesting happened. It was almost as though my brain tried to ‘fight back.’ When I stopped giving power to my thoughts and began redirecting them, new ones would appear tenfold, trying to pull me away from the peace I was attempting to cultivate. Tessa Malcarne, my neuroplasticity coach, puts it perfectly: ‘Our brain is used to its most comfortable emotional response.’ Joe Dispenza also talks about this phenomenon, our bodies are so accustomed to the stress chemicals running the show that, when we try to change that, they push back to keep us the same. I also began noticing how rumination would pull me in and physically affect my body, turning on adrenaline and activating my nervous system putting it into a sympathetic, fight-or-flight state.

Next, I went through a phase where I would wake in the middle of the night caught in an endless loop of chatter. It’s almost as though my brain knew my defences were weaker in the quiet of the night and it would choose this time to bombard me with all these seemingly big problems to solve. For about 10 months I experienced insomnia and spent 2-4 am spiralling in thoughts. Although looking back, I can see how trivial those thoughts were, in the moment, they triggered a physical stress response in my body. Why did I spend 2 hours one morning thinking of a ten-point essay in my mind on why a friend of a friend should break up with their boyfriend? My brain was being reactive, and downright silly!

Source: @saracstic.avo on Instagram

After this, I hit a phase where concentration and focus felt completely out of reach. I’d never had such a distracted mind in my life. I couldn’t sit still and focus on the simplest of tasks and found myself constantly caught in daydreams. It was interesting as my mind had shifted away from negative rumination, and instead was just off with the fairies. I felt aloof and was the meme above almost 24/7.

I persisted through these setbacks. Alongside this, I was diligent and consistent with my nervous system regulation tools. For me, this involved a lot of visualisations using the technique taught in DNRS as well as other bottom-up approaches such as breathwork, somatics, Qi Gong and Yoga. I believe that these practices go hand in hand. As the body begins to feel safe, the mind slows down, and as the mind slows down, the body feels safer.

I like the metaphor that thoughts are like paths in the woods. The unhealthy patterns I had followed for years were a well-maintained trail: familiar, easy, and worn smooth from constant use. But I was working to create new neural pathways and healthier ways of thinking. At first, carving out this new path is difficult, it feels like hacking through dense undergrowth – it’s much easier to stay the same and take the old well-trodden path. However, each time I redirected and chose new ways of thinking, the path became clearer. With practice and persistence, healthier thoughts are becoming my default, with less conscious effort. Meanwhile, the old ways of thinking are fading away, those pathways disappearing from view.

A few months into my practice I also learned that overthinking can often be a way to avoid actually feeling our emotions. David R. Hawkins explains this brilliantly in his book Letting Go. He shares that we can get caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts about an emotion, instead of allowing ourselves to feel them. When we truly surrender to the emotion, express it fully, and let go of resistance, the thoughts fade away. With the support of a holistic psychologist and by practicing JournalSpeak (a journaling technique for releasing emotions), I’ve experienced this to be true and have been able to find more stillness (I have written about that here).

After months of persistence, I started to feel more glimmers of peace, a calmer feeling in my mind, a lightness, less racing thoughts, and more presence. I even had someone for the first time in my life describe me as having “zen-vibes”. Did I follow up this feeling of peace by having an over-the-top meltdown over a bad haircut? Definitely, yes. But the glimpse of blue skies motivated me to continue the work.

For years, I struggled with neurological issues and brain fog, despite trying various treatments. I realised that as my mind became calmer, my symptoms started improving in tandem. When we’re stressed, blood flow in the brain goes to the limbic system, but by quieting the mind and creating a sense of safety, my pre-frontal cortex, the thinking part of my brain, began functioning again. As other chronic illness symptoms began to dissipate I realised that this mental shift wasn’t just improving my mindset, it was reflected physically in my body too.

Recently I had a moment of realisation about just how much progress I’ve made in this space. I had an event repeat itself – nine months later. Seeing the stark contrast in my reaction to it, and the dramatic difference in my peace of mind showed me just how far I have come. Reading my old journal entries compared with now, my personal growth is evident. What once caused mental anguish, fear, reactivity and a heck of a lot of rumination, has been replaced with detachment, groundedness, and comparative calm.

I used to feel embarrassed reading back old journals, but now I realise that if I’m cringing a little at myself that means I’ve grown. Instead of judging how reactive and triggered I was nine months ago, I extend compassion to my former self, who was doing her best in the circumstances and with the capacity she had at that time. I also extend her immense love and gratitude for working so hard to make my mind more peaceful.

I can see now that I have more capacity to regulate my emotions and am learning to respond rather than react, but it’s more than that. It’s as though my entire experience of life is different. Things feel lighter, smoother, and more peaceful. And honestly, I struggle to put into words just how rewarding that is. I think of every moment I redirected my thoughts and every day that I showed up using my nervous system regulation tools, I can see how all those moments have culminated to lead me here.

Am I still human, and do I still get a little worked up? Yes. Am I still working for more stillness and peace? Yes. Would anyone close to me describe me as having “zen-vibes”? Maybe not just yet. I am continuing to work on my presence and becoming responsive rather than reactive. At the same time, I recognise I’m human and it’s a privilege to feel a mix of emotions. To desire and attach, to love, grieve and dream, to give in to unbridled joy, to live with enthusiasm and passion. My goal isn’t to be a completely non-reactive monk but to experience life’s emotions fully, process them, and respond calmly without getting caught in loops of rumination and stress.

I have an effortlessly calm friend, the kind of person who, when her wedding veil wasn’t at the venue on her wedding day, just shrugged. I used to envy that level of unshakable peace, wishing I could be the same instead of feeling so affected by everything. A few years ago, I even wrote in my diary, “It’s okay, I’ve accepted that I’m just not genetically wired that way and will never be that chill.” But neuroplasticity teaches us that the brain is always changing, if we stick to our practice it has NO CHOICE but to change. I clung to this idea as I persisted with the work, even when it felt like nothing was shifting. Now, I’m finally seeing real, tangible proof that it does work. My mind is changing, and with it, so is my experience of the world.

Practical tips:

• I am always singing the praises of DNRS, it’s the program that gave me the tools to truly change, you can learn more about my experience with DNRS here
• This podcast episode by my neuroplasticity coach Tessa Malcarne gives lots of tricks for redirecting thoughts, this is helpful at the start to cut off patterns your brain is stuck in
• Consistency is important, nothing changes if nothing changes, and this work requires commitment. You have to find a source of inner strength that will allow you to override the brain’s natural tendencies
• The Kirtan Kriya is the meditation that got me back into meditation! This was especially helpful when my mind struggled to focus as it involves a mantra and a mudra (chanting and hand movements). I had an 80-day streak on this meditation at the start of the year, as I said – consistency.
• I LOVE this Michael Singer podcast episode about thoughts, I listen to this one when I know I am getting sucked into a looping thought
• Reduce social media, turn off notifications, and break the dopamine cycle! Taking a few months off social media helped my brain to reset. Less screen time is probably my number one trick for being more present (in fact, I might be due for a social media cleanse again now!).
• Passionflower tea. I took an introductory herbal course last year and did an assignment on passionflower. I was happy to come across this quote: “I have had patients tell me it’s like they have a talk radio station on in their heads, and they can’t find the off-switch. Passionflower is the off switch.”1 Drinking this tea before bed, to be present and quiet my mind, is part of my routine.
• ‘Habit stacking’ presence into my day. For example, my electric toothbrush has a two-minute timer, and I always use that as a reminder to stay present and focused.

Note: This post was originally posted on my Substack. You can view it here.

^{1 Nervines: Complementary Herbs for Adaptogens, David Winston, 2013}

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